According to a Starbucks employee who chased after me on the Warner Brothers lot this morning, I stole an iced coffee. What? I thought. I looked at my cup. “It says ‘Christian’ on it,” I explained. “And I heard you yell ‘Christian’ three times.” She scowled and curtly replied, “Well, there was another Christian. And he was very upset that you took his drink.” I apologized for the confusion. But, oh, she wasn’t done with the scolding. “Did you notice that the drink size was bigger than what you ordered? Or that it didn’t have milk?” (Respectively: I did and I didn’t.) “Well, do you want me to pay a little extra?” I asked. “It was an honest mistake.” She said no with a huff and demanded I take the original coffee order (in addition to the coffee I supposedly stole.) “That’s okay,” I said. “I already have this one.” TAKE IT, she demanded with an attitude.
I left.
But I couldn’t shake how ridiculous the situation was: Did the Starbucks employee not recognize that it was an honest (and perfectly rational) mistake? How often do two people named Christian order almost exactly the same drink at the same time on the Warner Brothers lot? Why didn’t she just pour the guy a new ice coffee? Why did she chase after me and reprimand me for a two dollar mistake in front of a bunch of people? And, beyond that, I had already paid for an iced coffee. It’s not like I went in and stole a coffee from a woman named Brenda. Were we not bickering over a 45 cent disagreement?
Well, needless to say, I wanted to write a formal letter of complaint. But a friend of mine, Aaron Bleyaert (who was with me the whole time), told me to let the situation go by sending me a Zen story. But, being me, I couldn’t drop it and kept tacking on parts to his cautionary tale to validate my point. Here is a reprint of that story (Aaron’s parts are ITALICIZED. My additions are in PLAIN TEXT.)
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THE STORY OF TWO MONKS
Once there were two monks traveling when they arrived at a river. At the river they discovered a woman struggling to get across. Without a second thought, the older of the two monks asked the woman if she needed help, then swiftly picked her up and carried her across to the other bank.
It should be understood that for monks, especially in ancient times, any contact with the opposite sex would be strongly frowned upon, if not forbidden. The actions of the older monk greatly troubled the younger monk, who allowed his feelings to fester for several miles while they continued their journey.
Finally, the younger monk confronted the older monk, “How could you have done such a thing? We are not even supposed to be in a woman’s presence, but you touched her, carried her even!”
The older monk calmly replied, “I put that woman down miles ago, back at the river. But you are still carrying her.” The younger monk realized the older monk was indeed correct and they continued on their journey.
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LOST PAGE FROM THE STORY OF TWO MONKS
As the two monks continued on their journey, the younger monk turned to the older, “Sure. I get what you’re saying. But, seriously, what could the cost loss POSSIBLY have been for that woman? The woman was charging, what, 2 dollars for a cup of coffee? That’s mark-up. What is the cost, per cup, to the company: 2 cents? 5 cents? Not to belabor the point, but, ya’ know, I just feel that’s not a great way to treat a paying customer. Look, you travel on ahead. I’ll catch up with you. But I’m going to go back to the Temple and write an angry letter.”
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EPILOGUE TO THE MONK TALE
The younger, more foolish monk (and less better looking of the two) wrote up a quick angry letter and went back to the Starbucks. He was immediately arrested for being a COMPLETE PSYCHOPATH and forever after had his shit spit in and made wrong from then on by the friendly Starbucks employees that he had KNOWINGLY WRONGED.
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SEQUEL TO THE MONK TALE
Two years later, the younger monk was released from prison a more hardened man. He had buffed up clearly. Immediately, he went to the woman’s house and gave a friendly, yet menacing wave. This terrified the woman. The younger monk turned to the older monk and said, “You see? She knows she wronged me as well. I must keep her on edge and explain to her manager that there are consequences to treating customers with complete disrespect. And, seriously, what could the cost loss have possibly been?”
The older monk turned to the younger monk and calmly replied, “Did you carve that swastika on your forehead intentionally?”
