That’s right, friends/mortal enemies! Today is the one-month (or so) anniversary of this website! How should we celebrate? Oh, I know: by admitting that I have failed you.

When I started this project, I wrote the following statement:

But I make this promise to you skeptics out there: if you don’t laugh after a few months, I will rework the blog into […] a fansite for Two and a Half Men’s star actor, Jon Cryer.

True fans (if they even exist) might remember that I also said some stuff about gritty cop dramas. But let’s just skip that failed endeavor and get to the good stuff. A promise is a promise. Ladies and gentleman, without any further ado, welcome to the brand new (and very creepy) Jon Cryer-centric fansite, MonsterLunch.tumblr.com. (IMPORTANT NOTE: To win over those all-important teenage female blog readers, I might use some colloquialisms unfamiliar to my older readers. But seriously, I LMFAO at old people. I don’t care what they think. [sfx: screaming guitar solo] Okay, okay. I need them to read too. I’ll add translations.)

WOWZERS! Look at Jon! What a hottie! MMHFS! (translation: Makes My Heart Freakin’ Sing!)

Jon Cryer as Duckie! How could Molly Ringwald NOT choose him??? WASB!! (translation: What A Slut Burger!!)

Jon Cryer riding a bike! ADORABLE! IWTWHFAAS! (translation: I Want To Wear His Flesh As A Suit!)

HEY! You don’t look at me that way, Jon Cryer! THAT’S INAPPROPRIATE! WASFDYSC! (translation: We Are So Fuckin’ Done You Stupid Creep!)